Friday Night

In 31 days, I have not drank a single sip of alcohol.  Am I proud of myself? Of course, I am.  I never thought I would be able to do it.  However, when a co-worker asked me to join her to attend a wine tasting event and dinner, I happily obliged.  More so, for the need of getting out and doing something; not limiting myself to my house simply because I don’t have anyone in a relationship to spend time with.  The truth is–those that I call friends live far away and don’t have cars, or are far away and have their own agendas to the point where it is difficult for them to meet me.  Either way, I’m actually content with that, but it is nice to go out and not drain myself in my negativity or impending depression or whatever it is I have been battling the last week or so.

So I had a nice time tonight even though I dwelled on the loss of my girlfriend a lot.  I tended to bring up my relationship whenever I saw the chance to vent.  I wonder how this made my company feel and although, this wasn’t a date, I did feel like I was a little overbearing with the whole Veronica thing.  It got me to wondering–what if I was trying to get to know this woman or another woman, would I bring up Veronica?  This is creating and causing so much other anxiety that I don’t need this week.  I just want peace, but as usual, it seems to be moving further away from me every second I think about it; alluding me to believe that I’m growing closer to the place I was 10 years ago–very dark and damp there.  How does one really help a soul that is trying to climb out of a torturous abyss?

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