A Month In

It has been over a month since I have  last seen my nerd. The mixture of feelings I have been feeling since then have been overwhelming and daunting to say the least. At a moment’s notice I’ve wanted to cry or smile. There is a feeling of limbo as I force myself not to call, email or text unless it is in response to her. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s easy. I know she needs this time to heal and move on or come back to me. I need this time to continue to grow into the best person I can be for myself and for her. When I’m totally honest, I know that everything I do is for her, then for me. She is truly second to none and there is no reason I should discredit her because I’m not with her. I know that ultimately the changes I feel inside and see in the mirror are because of her–unfortunately, it took too long to come. We are usually blind until something knocks us back into reality. It took her to give up, come back and give up again for me to get to where I am–I’m just having a hard time thinking that all of this good change in me will have to benefit someone else if she decides that I’m a lost cause down the road. . .

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