As I sit in this fast food restaurant, eating dinner alone, I see that I must push myself to move on. I have never been comfortable by myself–a walking contradiction because I’m not comfortable around people either, but need someone in my visual to keep me sane still. I feel so much emotional torture as I continue to struggle with self-doubt and insecurities that lay beneath an arrogant surface I’m too scared to touch. In respect to moving forward though, I think it’s so hard simply because my heart believes my nerd is it; my match has been met so what’s the purpose of getting to know and ultimately, falling for someone else? To be for that woman, what I should have been for the love of my life, just doesn’t make sense to me, but do I have to torture myself for rest of my life because I screwed up? I ask myself these questions everyday and I always get the same answer–Yes, you are supposed to wait for her to come back, no matter how long it takes. I just feel so isolated, now more than ever. I’m constantly getting rid of people that I allowed to cause turmoil in my relationship and essentially, my contact list is dwindling. The thought of friendships are far and few in between and at times, I’m so depressed I don’t know which way is up or down. I don’t want to be in this mental space anymore, but no one can help me with this; for this is a battle within me that I must fight alone–here’s to hoping I survive.