Eating Alone

As I sit in this fast food restaurant, eating dinner alone, I see that I must push myself to move on. I have never been comfortable by myself–a walking contradiction because I’m not comfortable around people either, but need someone in my visual to keep me sane still. I feel so much emotional torture as I continue to struggle with self-doubt and insecurities that lay beneath an arrogant surface I’m too scared to touch. In respect to moving forward though, I think it’s so hard simply because my heart believes my nerd is it; my match has been met so what’s the purpose of getting to know and ultimately, falling for someone else? To be for that woman, what I should have been for the love of my life, just doesn’t make sense to me, but do I have to torture myself for rest of my life because I screwed up? I ask myself these questions everyday and I always get the same answer–Yes, you are supposed to wait for her to come back, no matter how long it takes. I just feel so isolated, now more than ever. I’m constantly getting rid of people that I allowed to cause turmoil in my relationship and essentially, my contact list is dwindling. The thought of friendships are far and few in between and at times, I’m so depressed I don’t know which way is up or down. I don’t want to be in this mental space anymore, but no one can help me with this; for this is a battle within me that I must fight alone–here’s to hoping I survive.

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One response to “Eating Alone

  1. Yes you are going through, but you are not in the beginning anymore. And you are still making changes in your life so no matter how slow the progress, it is still progress. And you have friends rooting you on all the way. We still believe in you and will keep you strong when you need it.

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