I hate feeling at odds with myself. I’m trying to understand and come to terms with the deception of my last reception; learning to fully forgive myself and her. I love her, but I think I’m understand her angry in a way I can truly resonate with. After learning her truth in V Day, I have been in a state of anger ever since. Today was the first time I absolutely didn’t want to hear her voice or text other thsn to yell at her. She doesn’t understand why I would have a problem with her sleeping with someone else and I can’t fathom how I could possibly say I truly love her and act the way I do toward her if I didn’t. It just doesn’t make sense in my rationale. What man ir woman would want the love of their life to be intimate with someone else; doing everything they did with you?
Anyway, at the very least, I am trying to contain my rage because if I don’t I am going to explode and sink back into that personality fueled by tortorous aggrevation and that is something that I don’t have the energy to fight off. I need to stay ahead of it before it gets outbof control. In an uocoming post, I should talk about my addiction to gain so clarity. We will see how this goes.