Tonight was a very interesting night.  I went out with a benefit– something that I’m working on as far as people categories are concerned.  I need to understand and assess what people mean to me and in order to do that, I need to categorize them.  Moving on, the night was just ok.  The earth didn’t move, but she is somebody that will allow herself to be available, I just happened to chance the opportunity on this one and go out on a Friday night.  We got pizza and it was nice to not think for a couple of hours.  Ok, now to the point, as I’m driving around aimlessly, going nowhere in particular, I get a call from my ex, my nerd, Veronica, whatever I’m calling her these days, I’m not sure.  The only thing I’m sure of is that I can’t stay mad at her for long periods of time.  I feel my anger rustling inside me; scratching on the surface of my larynx for me to yell out obscenities at her.  The fact is, I can’t.  I used to think it was because of my guilt.  It’s not.  It’s just simply my love for her.  The admiration that I have for her as a woman and what she means to me as a whole.  I can bitch and complain about her all I want, but that woman has a hex on me; something that I can’t shake.  The sound of her voice is so soothing.

So we start talking about her struggles without each other, careers, etc. and things start sounding very similar, she notes.  She stated that she is glad that she now knows she isn’t crazy because of the similar things we feel.  Once again, I know I’m getting sucked into some major disappointment because I can’t help, but put stock into her–dammit she is well worth the trouble; bank on it.


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