Catch 22

Doomed if I do or don’t–this is what I’m faced with.  On one hand, I love the fact that my ex can still pick up the phone to say she misses me or that she loves me or that one day we will be together again, but on the other hand, it definitely sets me back a step.  It takes a good amount of time whenever I hear her voice or see her to get over that fact that it may be a long time before I’m in that situation again.  It takes a while for my mental state to adjust.  With that said, I shouldn’t want to see her or hear her voice–I get sad, depressed even at the thought of having to go long periods without it.  The fact that lived with her for almost a hear is just wearing on me.  The routine of it all.  Now I’m stuck in this place of instant gratification from the notion that I’m  not an afterthought in her mind and in have a place somewhere in heart still, but I must face the undeniable fact that being in contact with her, then not, feels like she is breaking up with me over and over again.  I’m at a lost.

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