It’s Been a Year, but. . .

So apparently I haven’t been thinking about this break up situation in the way that I need to.  I’m really trying to put my feelings in a box, lock it tight and throw the key in the river. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way and I need to accept that this process is going to take a lot longer than I’m anticipating for 2 reasons:  1) Yes, we have been broken up for nearly a year next month, however, we have been emotionally connected and trying to iron things out since, what, 2 weeks ago.  This is something that I know my mind is not readily focusing on, but should be—I need to be taking this into account because it’s a big part of my current situation and 2) I love her so much that the thought of truly letting her go is probably my worst fear.  Literally, I can’t think of anything I’m truly afraid of that trumps the fact that, what if I never talk to her again, see her again, EVER!  It is driving me to the point of not being able to focus—my mood keeps changing drastically from content to sad, in a matter of seconds, back and forth.  I’m finding it very hard right now to hold it together.  However, the great thing about me is I find it very hard to admit defeat so this is something that I’m going to fight to the bitter end.

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