Where’s My Light

Tonight, I feel sad and I’d rather not mock myself for feeling a large amount of self pity.  Instead of shying away from these emotions, I really do want to learn how to embrace it.  I know that this feeling is because I feel alone most of the time.  Everyone I know that I consider a friend based on their listening skills are virtually inaccessible any other time due to two of them being married (can’t admit jealousy truthfully there) and one is just way too busy and caught up in other things.  I know I need to move on and meet people, but that would mean that I would need to branch out, face my fears and be vulnerable.  That is something I just don’t know how to do with just anyone.  I have to push myself to open up and it takes a lot of energy and is exhausting.  How much of hope can I possibly have left to waste it on a failed friendship or a new relationship.  These things take time and my anxiety obsessing over being lonely and everything else wrong with my life continues to rise adding to other fears I’m just not ready to admit yet. sigh. I really just want to scream right now.


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