Just Trying to Deal Here

I’m angry for no reason right now.  Actually, I’m not.  Being open and honest and trying to include those that I call my friends in this process of loving Veronica and not really wanting to move on, but feeling like I have to  for my sanity to stay in tack is pissing me off.  It wasn’t that I wanted to share anything with anyone, but this new open and honest process kind of pushes me to put my trust in someone.  Based on the notion that I can’t really put trust and faith into anything my nerd says these days, I have to put trust in them.  I know that for the most part, they all want me to move forward with my life and get over feeling sorry for myself and loving someone that constantly lies to my face.  I’m just so angry that after I changed, she turned into something that I wasn’t.  I’m just angry that my changing wasn’t good enough and I’m more than angry that she asked me to come back into her life, just to secretly fuck someone else while telling me she loved me everyday.  Who would do that?  Ahh! I just want to bug out and do something crazy, but I know that is just my anger talking.  It is amazing how I can control it at times now, but I also realize that I’m not at the high points of anger that used to plague me over a year ago. I need to work past this as I know this isn’t healthy, but for right now, I’m going to settle for being angry.

Advertisements

One response to “Just Trying to Deal Here

  1. You are healing. Sometimes it can fucking suck like when they have to break a bone to make it heal. You are propelling yourself in a forward motion and that is never going to be easy. But you are becoming stronger than before. You know the anger is there but you are controlling it. Would you have done that over a year ago?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s