Serious Relationship Vs. Marriage

It’s funny how for better or worse applies only to marriage and not long term relationships. However, it should. For I have never thought that I wouldn’t be able to get through something with my nerd. I always thought we would walk hand in hand through any and all adversity. That was not the case. Now I’m lost. It’s amazing how much fortitude a person has to have to give up on someone they love.  It is proving to be a very hard thing for me in particularly. I’ve come to the realization that maybe I lack this critical trait. Maybe I’m just not that person. Maybe I’m built to fight and perservere with something like this. Love is a very powerful feeling and maybe I’m just not strong enough to deal with all of its complexities, good or bad and overcome it.

I talked to Veronica this morning and she was very receptive and understanding to my text last night. I told her that I don’t know why I called and that my rage and paranoia caused me to have a blackout spell. She told me that she feels horrible that I’m having such a tough time and that once again she isn’t trying to hurt me and that she is trying to emotionally reconnect with me, but ultimately doesn’t know what her goal is. I just don’t know anymore and haven’t for a long time. I’m hurt, angry, very angry and it all rolled up into one thing and it causing my emotions to go haywire. I am irrational and just out of whack. To be honest, I can’t expect her to know what she wants if I don’t know what I want. My objective is to try and control my emotions just to the point I can understand them and relay them in a positive way to my ex. Who knows–if I can reassure myself and heal, she may see that as positive and be assured as well that there is some hope for us after all.

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One response to “Serious Relationship Vs. Marriage

  1. I agree with your point about ‘for better or for worse’ should apply to long term relationships. My hubby and I dated for a few years before we were married in 2010. Honestly, we got married for more legal reasons, and our relationship hasn’t changed much since then. Cheating, leaving, or doing anything you have a harder time doing when you are married never really occurred to either of us. I don’t really agree with ‘marriage’. Partly because I’m atheist, but also partly because I think it is silly to think you have to be married to buy a house, have a child, or completely unconditionally love someone.

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