Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

I’ve heard my entire life that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  The older a person gets, the harder it is to convince them of anything other than their normalcy.  While, in a lot of cases, I have found this to be true, I would have to disagree.  I have been screwing up, alienating myself and just being a total dick to just about everyone for the last 15 years or so.  I’ve come to see the error of my ways and while I’m a hard work in progress, change is possible.  I have to remember my overall objective and tell myself that it isn’t worth hurting others and I will not get satisfaction out of it long term, but it has been working for me for the last 8 months or so.  Do I have set backs?  Sure.  However, I’ve come to learn that falling down in life is, in fact, a part of life.  I’ve been so comfortable on the floor and pulling others down to my level, that I forgot what it felt like to stand up and stretch.  Now that I’m broadening my horizons, putting myself on the line completely and opening up (as scary as all of this is for me), I have come to appreciate a different side to life.  I know the my heart is good.  I just have to man the reigns and hold on this mindset that likes to run away from me at times.  It is so easy for me to be angry and take it out on others because that is what I have been doing virtually my entire life.  There’s no challenge in it.  The feat I’m trying to accomplish gives me so much more of a high because it IS difficult for me.  Being nice is hard for me, but I have been realizing that maybe there is a different approach I can take.  People don’t have to fear me for me to be tolerated.  People don’t have to secretly judge me and then smile in my face to tolerate me. I can genuine allow people to get to know me and hope for the best.  So far, I’ve had mixed results and my anger likes to take over at times, as a protection mechanism, but for once, I’m going to try keep my guard down; for now.

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