I woke up thinking about her because of a dream I had. I can’t remember the last time I felt she wanted me, if not, for personal gain. I just didn’t feel I mattered in these last few months. There were limited hugs and virtually no sex. The no sex should have been a clear sign that I was obsolete; I had been replaced by something or someone of better quality. I have never handled rejection or abandonment well. So the last time I saw her, sex wasn’t an option because I was afraid of being rejected. It would be nice to have someone want me in every way, every time they see me, but I haven’t had that wanted feeling in so long, I think I might have forgotten how to recognize the signs of it. How can I know I’m truly love if words are all I hear and actions are few to follow? It would be nice to feel these feelings again. I know she loves me, just not love me anymore and that is a hard pill for me to swallow.