What I Need

Every since I was a little boy, all I ever wanted was for someone to love me; accept me for human being that I was/am–flaws and all.  Even when I was in that young stage, I knew it would be a hard feat to accomplish because I never fit in anywhere.  So I quickly became an introvert, telling myself I didn’t need anyone to make me happy.  I became a loner and shied away from social circles for fear of rejection.  I have always been misunderstood and this continues to plague me in my adult life.  I think becauseI didn’t partake in the childhood social events that were going on, I have become conversationally awkward.  Thus, making it very hard to meet new people and build fruitful relationships–friendly, professionally and sexually.  As I get older, I see how much I need others to happy, hell, even content.  I feel so miserable these days and I know it’s because I’m alone most days.  Truth is, I need more than a friend so the person can keep me company on a continuous basis.  Friends, eventually, have to tend to their needs, their relationships and other obligations, thus not always being accessible.  I need change my life somehow.  Just not sure how I stop myself from feeling like I’m drowning.

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