Ending the Week Badly

As the week ends, things have just went from bad to worse.  It wasn’t enough that Veronica sent me that poem; and it wasn’t enough that I got pictures instead of an invite to spend time with my babies on their birthdays.  In all honesty, this trumps both of those items on my fucked up week list: One of my recruiters died last week and we weren’t even notified until yesterday.  Why?  Simply because the corporate structure in which I work in doesn’t value life there.  The family had been calling and calling and calling trying to get in touch with someone and phone calls weren’t being returned.  So they had to come down to the building, still grieving to talk to folks in person.  How fucked up is that?  Luckily, it was towards the end of the day because if it was earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.  In my stint at the company, I have known four people to pass away, three of which, I talked to at least three times a week, if not more.  Of course death is one of those things that make you appreciate life a little more, if even for the moment and I have never been more thankful of the positive changes I have made in the last several months which I have allowed me to see that people care about me.  I love my friends and I tell them so, even if that may not be the man thing to do.  People need to know these things.  I know they need to know because I need to know.  Death tends to bring people closer than after a week or so people go back to their normal routines.  Not me–not this time.  I will appreciate those that I call friends even more and I will no longer allow Veronica to anger me for a long period of time.  I respect the space she is in, but I will not stop loving her or seek revenge for the hurt she continues to cause me (I reached out to her to console me in this time of need and she just shut down and of course, I want to make the excuse for her that she is currently sick).  I will not allow others to make me falter.  Today, I pledge this, as I hope to keep growing and getting stronger inside myself.  Today, I start a new journey of self discovery and promise toward a better me.  If not for me, for the recruiter, Elizabeth, whom I wish I got to know just a little more. 


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