What’s the Root of Hatred? Part 2

Working on very little sleep, I feel the rage in me more this morning.  These mood swings are driving me nuts.  I don’t know why I feel such hate, when it’s not directed at anyone in particular.  It’s not even really hatred as it is vengeance; I guess the two can go hand in hand.  I thought was over the whole vengeance thing–I’ve been THAT way for the majority of my life or what I can remember of it and it is pointless.  No one really cares that I’m angry or was angry and honestly,  they shouldn’t.  I don’t even want to care,  but since it is me, I have to deal with it while others can turn their backs on me.  It’s always fun to be alone, right?  Actually, the last couple of days I haven’t really felt alone much.  I had one minor break down Monday night simply thinking about my current mental health and what it may mean for me long term, but otherwise, I have been keeping things in check.  Now for this vengeance thing.  I guess I need to do some soul searching and really focus on who this is directed at–my job, my overall stability, my ex or exes or who knows.  My thoughts get jumbled more than I change my underwear these days and who knows, by the time I post again, I may have forgotten why I was writing these posts about hatred and vengeance in the first place.


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