Placement

As I continue to move forward in my life and engage in all sorts of things that some of my friends don’t even know about, I still can’t stop feeling that sense of vacancy inside me. I miss my ex. I miss our conversations. I miss our hand holding. I miss the love making. I miss everything. I wish things were different even though I’m experiencing life at this point and smile at times, I still have a place inside me for her. She’s still the best part of me even though I don’t have to talk and see her. In that aspect, I have moved on. I just have this what if factor that I examine at ungodly hours like 2:46 am. She means a lot to me whether I say it out loud or not and I accept the love that I have for her. I just genuine love that woman–soulmate till death I guess. Every time I think I wasted a marriage proposal on her, the next second I’m thinking about her smile, and I know that based the way she used to look at me and how she made me feel when she touched my skin, she was the woman I was supposed to propose to. She deserved it. So much for wishing for a different outcome. That just seems like it happened years ago.  I guess that just makes her placement inside of me that much more apparent.  It is accepted.

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