Back to the Drawing Board

I’m in a tough place right now.  With my mom 2 weeks post surgery, out of rehab and getting on the very last nerve I can muster up nowadays, my dating life just keeps sinking.  Every woman or girls I should say (no maturity level whatsoever) has just been a total let down and I’m not even getting my hopes up.  That’s the bad, pathetic part about all of this.  I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels here.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I know who I am and I’m very comfortable in my skin for the most part; it’s allowing me to be sociable and outgoing no matter the setting.  My meds are working wonders, that is, until I forget to take them or I just at such a heightened state that my anxiety gets the best of me.  For the most part, I keep that under control.  On to the topic at hand.  I just displeased with the women that approach me or that I deem to be a good fit initially.  I get the standard attractive bit, but I’m just really lacking substance.  One girl, I pretty much wasted 3 weeks of my fucking life on, just because she was insecure with her body.  Apparently, she thought she was too fat for me and ASSUMED I didn’t like her.  I guess I didn’t have an opinion in the matter because she bolted without so much as a goodbye; literally blocking me on instant messenger, leaving my emails unanswered and not returning my phone calls.  Who the hell does that after initiating conversation with someone every day for 3 weeks–just a buzz kill.  Everything before, since and in between that has been equally bad–well, at least I haven’t had my time wasted.  I just don’t know what women are looking for.  I’m honest–way too honest sometimes, but I prefer that then lying.  I thought that was noble, but I guess not.

So I would like to think that I’m fairly attractive, have a decent job, in many ways compassionate, strong, sensitive and I definitely don’t have a problem with commitment.  The idea of NOT being in a relationship is weird to me.  Anyways, until next time, I will continue my search for the woman that will steal my heart away and marry my soul. Here’s a drink towards a happy future.

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