Mending Heart

Mending Heart

distrust, racism, and rage allowed love to slip
through closed fists
slick like lotion melting
off sides as her hot romances come over to play

I donned the hat of fool drenched
in night sweats
envisioning her entangled
in someone else’s spoon
scooped out my heart thrown against the wall shattered spending months to place
its pieces back together perfectly

put down thoughts of our unborn on the shelf sits
the proposal I wasted
broken cylinders holding
what I called our life has found
its resting place in the trash

no longer counting hours or days completed my 12 steps curing
the addiction of Sunshine
that almost killed me

without her intoxication
I’m able to breathe
tear-free most days
but I can live
with the residue of you
so long I can comprehend
my past hasn’t outlined
my future hiding
behind the fact that even now she can’t be a friend when I need
her most
without a sexual reference
I still care
I’m just no longer there being bludgeoned
by hatred and burned emotion

now
I thrive on luck, throwing
pennies in wishing wells for comfort and strength sending
a slice of happiness her way
while smiling in the dark

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