So it didn’t work the way I planned it. Officially, in and out of a relationship (so to speak) just like that. In part, it is due to my impatient nature. I do not have patience for games and DEFINITELY lack of compassion. I can chalk this up to a few good days/nights, but she would have gotten tired of me and I know that. Truth be told, the mind games that were played early on should have been a warning sign and a very good friend of mine told me to run and not look back. My instincts were heightened and I knew why, I just couldn’t admit it. This is the first woman who I was able to look at in varying capacities and put her in a space with previous girlfriends. That was very difficult for me, but now that I know I can do it again and that my life isn’t over after Veronica, I should be able to find a happy medium. Of course, my ex will never an afterthought, but at least I can breathe again.
While I understand that things take time to grow, I don’t understand the concept of not working on it and being together. It’s just how I’m wired and I’m pretty objective (the new girl told me this as well) in that I can accept most things others would be inclined to say no way to very quickly. I think it was just bad timing for her and our chemistry was insane–she was weird(ed) out by it quite a few times and I talked her down off the ledge. That should have been another sign. The good thing about me is although I can open myself up easily, my instincts always tell me not to cross that love line; feel something else that could possibly be altered to love, but do not think in that sense for months. I think it’s a fail-safe I have in place since my late teen days, but it works for me. At any rate, I am back to the drawing board–looking for some smart, witty, quirky individual to take my life by storm. I just hope that I don’t get too lonely and start being a whore; always nice in the moment, but borderline regrettable the next day.