The universe is very unforgiving. For every action, positive or negative, there’s a reaction. Sometimes life throws you lemons and you can’t make lemonade. Sometimes there is just nothing that can be done to make things better. It is not enough that one of the people I love most in this life, my life, wants nothing to do with me. It’s not enough that I can’t have, see, pet, love my cats the way I want to love them. Tact on the emotional rollercoaster and meds that I have went through in the last 8 months to regulate my mood, it amazes me that I’m still standing; way stronger than I have ever given myself credit for.
However, I think about death way more than I should–if I’m really honest with myself. I have bouts of loneliness, not because I can’t hold down a relationship or find a woman that doesn’t drive me nuts daily since Veronica, but because I am so unsure of myself now. I have always been a confident man, but lately I have second guessed everything I have ever done or seem to hope to become. I think I need to rethink who I am, because I just don’t feel I know anymore. What’s to become of a person that has love, but can’t feel it?