Journal Entry #20

I respect my therapist a great deal. It’s hard for me to conceptualize that I have been meeting with him for over a year now.  He has assisted me in gaining some self-control in how I handle my anger.  For that, he has officially done his job because that is what I initially started seeing him for.  Over the course of our sessions, however, I have come to see how lifeless I am and how he can’t necessarily fix what’s broken in me. My physical impairments have caused me to be mentally unstable simply due to not being able to accept my apperance or my limitations.  I don’t deal with pity well because I have so much of it internally. This is something I deal with daily, but hide it in the darkness of what’s left of my pride.  This has caused several strained relationships in my life ranging co-worker to friend to family to intimacy and beyond.  It’s something that I’ve been trying to stop–it’s one of few things I’m never honest about because the idea of talking–of thinking about it fills me with so much rage, it’s just not worth the aftermath.  So how does one fix a problem without a specific resolution?

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