I keep going up and down; a walking contradiction of what I tell myself every morning–let her go! However, I keep proving that my love is too strong. Everything that I couldn’t do with her, I can do now and I would give anything for her to see me now. How calm I can be and rageless. The more I date, the more miserable I become. I have tried the whole fake it to make it routine and it is destroying me. Without my rage, I have so much anxiety and she is the core of it. I just know it would work now, but her hatred for me doesn’t allow her to speak to me anymore. I can’t even remember the last time she took the time to send me a picture of my cats; see I am fucking crazy for thinking they are still my cats and I haven’t seen them in months. I just can’t break this connection. I’ve been saying she is my soulmate for so long, my soul is broken without her. I don’t even care how I sound or how pathetic I seem. I ruined the best thing I could have hoped for and I’m paying for it ten-fold while she has moved on with her life. Somebody shoot me now so I can feel something other than sadness PLEASE!