I must be seeking out heartache; having a desire to know what is going on in a life that no longer belongs to me. Mentally, I am there, ashamed by my failure and devastated by my lost. Physically, miles away isolated in sorrow. My babies no longer smell me or see me as their guardian. Instead, they lay next to another man who probably treats them just the same–with love. That used to be what I wanted for the three of them, but now I want them back. Piper and Kahlo would learn to love my male lead, Sebastian. A true “king” in how he prances about commanding attention. This isn’t about my new addition. This is about an ex and what I still call family.
How could the right thing be to let go of what I love so much? The saying if you love something, let it go; if it is meant to be, it will come back to you is bullshit. I’ve shed blood, tears and everything else and now I’m ready to give everything up to claim what’s mine. A sacrifice for what I hold dear at an expense I’m not sure how great. This is not a want, it is a need. Sebastian keeps me sane, but the void of what I’ve lost, after seeing him and them with my own eyes is bigger now. What would you do for the one thing you love most of all? Me, I’d give my freedom. I’d give my life.