I Miss This Pair

I Miss This Pair

I miss this pair
opposite in their care
equal in love shared

broken at the hem
angered depression caused
the lost of what I hold most dear
never contemplated the fear
my ears could no longer hear
their purrs as I stroked gently

I miss this pair
opposite in their care
equal in their love shared

as one licked my face
good morning
paws pat face gaining
attentive smiles

the other, rest
comfortably on laps
up in arms ready
for cuddles

I miss this pair
for they showed
me a heart was always there

in darkness
when tears streamed random
I found comfort
in their presence
right there lying
next to my spirit
as though they knew
it was broken

without them I found
the formula for lonely
can’t replace
what time won’t forget

opposite in care
but always equal
in love shared

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Journal Entry #30

I’ve tried not to write about this, this year. Hoping that if I held out and got through this week, I would be ok.  I’ve tried telling myself over and over that the idea of missing a non-human being this much is beyond insane,  but that doesn’t slow my feelings of defeat down.  It doesn’t make life easier living without the gifts I cherished most.  Another birthday coming that I can only share in spirit.  For the love and care that I have for them, I will accept being crazy.

Journal Entry #29

I’ve tried not to write about this, this year. Hoping that if I held out and got through this week, I would be ok.  I’ve tried telling myself over and over that the idea of missing a non-human being this much is beyond insane,  but that doesn’t slow my feelings of defeat down.  It doesn’t make life easier living without the gifts I cherished most.  Another birthday coming that I can only share in spirit.  For the love and care that I have for them, I will accept being crazy.

Fairytale Reality

Fairytale Reality

if wishes were given
I’d wish your hand in mine
happy in time

but life isn’t a fairytale
with princes and all
more like armored up
tantalizing temptation obscuring
views

so I wish you good health and happiness
everyday I can stand upright
and smile back

my persistence insisting
love doesn’t die
once a smile fades
no matter how many hands
get held after
there’s only one
truly made
for your image
I inhale
through gloomy fog
unable to meet defeat

The Days Going By

Feels like I haven’t written in a while besides poetry and even that’s a struggle to finish these days.  My mind has been in a weird place, stressed both personally and professionally.  After a minor mental break that kept me in bed this past Monday, I have decided to set some limitations with how many hours I work a week and not bringing work home everyday.  Personally is a very different story. Dealing a lot with family issues has also added to the self-neglect. Trying to assist my mom and sister financially has been a losing battle so I had to finally say enough is enough. The double stress, the worry of how to swim when I know I’m sinking and having to “get the job done” at work has really tested my resolve lately. I mean I know my job is overwhelming–I have only been in this position for about a month and 1 person has quit and another has succumb to his own emotions, professionally and personally, and now is on medical leave. Both of these inviduals had a spot in the same role/team I am on.

With this in mind, I will see how I do in the coming weeks mentally. I’m trying to find my peaceful place before I totally break down.