Honest Healing

Honest Healing

love ripped apart
the core of my compassion
slipped on peels
of my own skin shedding
under the weight of my blade
pounds dropped  eyes sulken
at the sight of you breathing
healthy at the height
of my pain

I’m ashamed to call
you a first for so many
bled out causes to keep
my soul smiling
in the face of your vindication
use these tears to clean
up your betrayal
want to stain your satin sheets
with this putrid grease leaking
out of my confession

sold my broken pieces
to the devil
squandered  the proceeds
on a quick fix
to snort Coke
with the aforementioned
saving my soul
for the burn
now
I can breathe deep
and again
love in a lie

Advertisements

I Know Now

I Know Now

I know now
I was a phase
just for the moment
a hoax for your love  

reading my thoughts
feeling my needs
pounce like a cat in heat
bleed me dry
without a thank you

I remain true
as my diamond rests
on a desk untouched
baby names scrapped
from the surface of sincerity

echoing in the alleyways
of my head
3 years meant nothing
to a beauty turned cold
without me to keep her warm
I’ve ceased to exist

finally ready to surrender
white flag wave
passing the torch to another
so you can forget
about whatever is already
hard to remember
 

A Smile in the Darkness

You’ll find the one that loves you the most, standing next to you in your darkest hour, no matter the status of your relationship with them; love is unconditional, no matter the cost  – O3

A Smile in the Darkness

crawling up a spine
pouring out its tears
on the coldest day of the year
and I’m stuck, here
on this floor
writhing, flopping
a fish out of its element

I see you
in the doorway
where they all left
fingers outstretched
to grap mine
in the darkness
the best light
comes from a smile

My Progression

My mental suffering, in part, is one of my own doing. When I’m at my lowest, I reach to folks I love the most. Often times, over the span of the last decade, I have seen those I love unconditionally have let me down tremendously. A couple of people have apologized for their inadequacies in providing friendship to me and others simply forget about me all together. These have come in the form of former friends and long term lovers.  Now I have been asked how I can love someone that brings me down, worst yet, not there when I need them most. The simple answer is, my love for certain people is unwavering. I don’t love because I am loved returned.  I love because of a series of actions that have transpired over a  period of time that opened up my senses to greatness.  However, I’m learning slowly, that I can’t be responsible for someone choosing to stop loving me based on their personal  circumstances, etc. I am, however, responsible for how I allow it to affect me over a certain time period.

I have a best friend or lack thereof, just disappear without so much as a letter. I still love this individual, but I no longer expect a re-emergence in my life. This individual has passed away and I grieve accordingly.  I have an old relationship that, unfortunately, I will have to put in this category as well.  This is the process of cleaning house for the betterment of me.

Released

Released

ever so sought after
power
you have it
bottled
screwed on with your beauty and wit
use it for evil
I get it

maybe you don’t mean it
love is its own ending, right?

every time you reach out
oh how I yearn for your voice
it turns hostile
feelings damaged beyond repair
but I thought time fixed all?

healed hearts
because I shouldn’t need you
anymore and you shouldn’t be here
but I’m glad you are

the tangle of control
do you want  me? Love me? Need me?
say it’s true
and I’m yours

maybe I’m not
I’ve learned to be mine
without you
the world has kept turning
forcing experiences
through my existence
hiding not an option
natural selection
an option for a release
I know I’ve been chosen