My mental suffering, in part, is one of my own doing. When I’m at my lowest, I reach to folks I love the most. Often times, over the span of the last decade, I have seen those I love unconditionally have let me down tremendously. A couple of people have apologized for their inadequacies in providing friendship to me and others simply forget about me all together. These have come in the form of former friends and long term lovers. Now I have been asked how I can love someone that brings me down, worst yet, not there when I need them most. The simple answer is, my love for certain people is unwavering. I don’t love because I am loved returned. I love because of a series of actions that have transpired over a period of time that opened up my senses to greatness. However, I’m learning slowly, that I can’t be responsible for someone choosing to stop loving me based on their personal circumstances, etc. I am, however, responsible for how I allow it to affect me over a certain time period.
I have a best friend or lack thereof, just disappear without so much as a letter. I still love this individual, but I no longer expect a re-emergence in my life. This individual has passed away and I grieve accordingly. I have an old relationship that, unfortunately, I will have to put in this category as well. This is the process of cleaning house for the betterment of me.