Shadow

Shadow

in spit of your passing
I feel you in my shadow
perhaps as my guardian
perhaps my lack of purge
to let you go

my heart
my soul
I cannot part
we always become one
in the dark
I see you there
I see you here
perched
spewing
your likeness in remembrance

I feel your embrace
breathing shallow in your last day
but in my shadow you reside
as I make efforts now
to the pass time away

I Only See You

I Only See You

straddle me
with your confession
as I feel flimsy
make me sturdy
with your drill gun

shove me
into your gratitude
undress my layers
kiss me
all over my acceptance
and make me cum
with your emotion

out in the open breathing
for the first time
budding heart resting
on your chin
as Luther serenades
society’s noise
I. only. see. you

The Additions: Mongo and Kleo

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April and May are usually bad months for me from an emotional standpoint; a lot of past issues and things I’ve lost tie into these months. With that said, I would like to discuss happiness in my life.  Those that have followed me from the start of my blogging journey, understand my love of cats.  For those of you that are new, cats are the ultimate thing.  A cat can bring a smile to my face. Now, honestly, some days I think I may have over did it with having three cats in the house, but Mongo (front, tan) and Kleo (back, grey/black) are the best things for me. Sebastian gets along with them just fine, each with their own unique personalities.  Just adding love to my growing family.  Here’s getting through the hurt of the past and trying to smile for the future. 

Searching for Missing Pieces

Searching for Missing Pieces

as we approach
the one year mark
I look to my partner
for my missing pieces
hoping she stuffed
my pride and good health
in her purse for safe keeping

stylized mistakes and heartbreak
accepting responsibility
a journey I’m just beginning
so I’m hoping she can breath easy
putting the tears in her pockets
for I know some days
I’m reckless

with a therapist quoting progress
my past negates my present
negativity infused
drooling at the site of misery
please cut me loose
unleash this rocket of insensitivity
broken with wounds swollen

but as I get better
with promises in hand
blistered and bloody
from this fight inside
I’ve learned to cry
rejuvenate through the flood
clearing the dust

on all parts that ceased
to function when I let go
of loving me
picking up my missing pieces
walking this long road
gaining confidence once again
to hold with all my might, this time

Journal Entry #30

I’ve tried not to write about this, this year. Hoping that if I held out and got through this week, I would be ok.  I’ve tried telling myself over and over that the idea of missing a non-human being this much is beyond insane,  but that doesn’t slow my feelings of defeat down.  It doesn’t make life easier living without the gifts I cherished most.  Another birthday coming that I can only share in spirit.  For the love and care that I have for them, I will accept being crazy.