Death: A First Time

Death: A First Time

as I roam this train platform
searching for comprehension
flirting close to its edge
death is now familiar
for I feel it
a first time rattling
bones undiscovered
trying to feel his presence

the universe is empty now

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Fuck Cancer (for mom)

Fuck Cancer (for mom)

I stand against adversity
remaining strong
though these knees are weak
and this spine  feeble
you come lean
on this pillar
of my spirit when needed
and I will carry you
in this darkness

I will not settle
for less than your best
I will not pass
on you to be meek
because I’ve seen your strength
laid at my feet

I have courage
I am brave
because you exist
in me

I may shed a tear
relax a smile
but I will not bend or break
I will act as your guard
in the face of your discomfort
my heart will not beat less
in the face of fear
I will not falter
and give in
for your illness
has already seen
its end

it can’t have you
you’re already mine

I Throw Exes in Boxes

I Throw Exes in Boxes

I throw exes in boxes
seal with duct tape
place in a far corner
of a locked cellar

so they can’t hear my screams
cries that echo
in the walls shaking
the very foundation we built

I throw exes in boxes
on hands and knees barely
breathing

a mess folded
up in sheets
with all the regrets
I’m bleeding

I throw exes in boxes
sealed with duct tape
twice so their smiles
can’t escape my memory

cause without them
I’m an imperfection
dreading existing

For As Long

For As Long

baby seems to change
with every relationship acquired
and though I don’t call you specific
your nickname holds a weight
only you can carry
unique in image
you validate my insecurity
hold on to me
like I’m the only man
you can see
what does that mean?

pieces of my heart
scatter in your palms
refusing to gel in fear
of what may become of us
but Love I’ve befriended well
as you can tell

open the bottle cap
and drink from this elixir
for as long as I have you
you’ll get all I can give
accept me as I am
be my friend
because I’m a gem
needing polish
as I wipe me clean
time and again
your patience met
gratitude way before
you took the polar plunge
into a heart frozen over
a diamond buried
I look to you
to find me

cherish distinctively
revel in a dream
I lost sight of years prior
I yelled and hollered
and you answered the call
so for as long as I can
I’ll press on
bleeding out the better of me
for you to see
insecurity and all
what Love really does to me
dreaming to dream
with you, holding on

Last Days

I’ve been here before
walls crowded
with chatter
broken to bits
by bulldozed anger
rage of a different kind

a heart fragile
a mind overwhelmed
fingers lay unfolded
as hearts become broken

eyes once fiery
with affection
now turn amiss
at the sight of me

at the height
of our extinction
I glanced at her
once more

a love uncomplicated
laid to rest

I Pack These Holes

I Pack These Holes

I pack these holes
with our memories
our girls letting
me know you’re close
to the door
pheromones fill joy
and we’re high for the night

I pack these holes
with memories
of you dancing when you think
I’m not looking
you’re gorgeous, no exceptions

I pack these holes
because without you
I’m broken
disheveled
moving in this existence
to just exist

I pack these holes
with everything you were
and everything we could have been
an essence
sweet to the taste
with a backbone
strong, never brittle

I pack these holes
with tearless dreams
where bloodshed
happened only in nightmares

I pack these holes
with a simple dream
one day I’ll hear
your voice again