For As Long

For As Long

baby seems to change
with every relationship acquired
and though I don’t call you specific
your nickname holds a weight
only you can carry
unique in image
you validate my insecurity
hold on to me
like I’m the only man
you can see
what does that mean?

pieces of my heart
scatter in your palms
refusing to gel in fear
of what may become of us
but Love I’ve befriended well
as you can tell

open the bottle cap
and drink from this elixir
for as long as I have you
you’ll get all I can give
accept me as I am
be my friend
because I’m a gem
needing polish
as I wipe me clean
time and again
your patience met
gratitude way before
you took the polar plunge
into a heart frozen over
a diamond buried
I look to you
to find me

cherish distinctively
revel in a dream
I lost sight of years prior
I yelled and hollered
and you answered the call
so for as long as I can
I’ll press on
bleeding out the better of me
for you to see
insecurity and all
what Love really does to me
dreaming to dream
with you, holding on

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Mending Heart

Mending Heart

distrust, racism, and rage allowed love to slip
through closed fists
slick like lotion melting
off sides as her hot romances come over to play

I donned the hat of fool drenched
in night sweats
envisioning her entangled
in someone else’s spoon
scooped out my heart thrown against the wall shattered spending months to place
its pieces back together perfectly

put down thoughts of our unborn on the shelf sits
the proposal I wasted
broken cylinders holding
what I called our life has found
its resting place in the trash

no longer counting hours or days completed my 12 steps curing
the addiction of Sunshine
that almost killed me

without her intoxication
I’m able to breathe
tear-free most days
but I can live
with the residue of you
so long I can comprehend
my past hasn’t outlined
my future hiding
behind the fact that even now she can’t be a friend when I need
her most
without a sexual reference
I still care
I’m just no longer there being bludgeoned
by hatred and burned emotion

now
I thrive on luck, throwing
pennies in wishing wells for comfort and strength sending
a slice of happiness her way
while smiling in the dark

Thank You

In recognition of something I’ve done by accident, I acknowledge a friend. A woman actually. I have never been able to call a woman a friend without feeling sexually attracted to them. She is really in and outside of work and actually listens when I talk even when I whine or complain complain about my last relationship going down the drain. She is interested, not sure why, but I accept it anyway-open arms. I really appreciate her kindness for no reason.Thanks for just being you.