This Demise

This Demise

I lay folded
in a fetal position inside
the box of my brain pumping
enough toxins to fill the Atlantic
damaged by my own hand

so I cut that fleshy disease
out of me only for it to regenerate
fueling the demon I work
so hard to cease from existing

I stay restless
on these tear-stained sheets
an empty vodka bottle cupped
in the bend of my arm
flooding memories of smiles
I’ve misplaced
drown me to complacency
this settling of destruction fed
by laughs–a touch I’ve wished
to forget

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When the Love is Gone

When the Love is Gone

cut veins to bleed
out the love unwanted
but too drained to reach
for the needle and thread

told wounds would heal
in time
subdued by a  mental restraint cloaking tears I should have cried

wasted two good years paralyzed
by the inactivity
of  a heart clenched
by someone that can’t go
pound for pound
round for round

I’ve proved my fight
for a soul I deemed
delicate has daggers
of her own
a direct hit in the chest
yet I still stand breathing
for a  chance to atone
for the attention
I only provided
in the image of my intention

this decision
not worthy in your eyes
so you cross train others
to fill a void I can’t

heartbreak uneven
a better deal
for the better half

Cathartic Release

Cathartic Release

twisting this serated
edge between my thumb
and forefinger
tasting blood
as my teeth clench
my inner jaw
anticipating the cathartic release
that seeps
out as this blade glides
effortlessly across arms built
to scream
when words get cordoned
off somewhere between
brains and vocal chords

induced the slight ease
of congestion
of an overactive mind conversing
with a scorned heart so foreign
the language barrier 
can’t be broken
my blade builds
the bridge back to safety