The Exit

The Exit

I dream of her dousing
me in gasoline
lighting a match

her idea of a good show
my idea of a way out

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Journal Entry #13

As I get closer and closer to feeling like I have to move, the more anxiety I’m getting.  The more anxiety I’m getting, the more scared I’m getting.   A buddy of mine told me today that I can’t let my past dictate my future and as much as I know he is right, I still know me.  I am afraid of failure; I failed once on my own, I am not allowed to do it again. I have all these questions about can I really make it alone–beyond finances–I’m talking emotionally.  I had my mom, then my ex, then myself (i cracked and failed) then my mom again and now just me (and I’m an emotional mess).  How can I do it with just me?  I just don’t have that type of confidence in my emotional state yet, this is something I know must be done.  Questions without answers and I’m running out of time.