Death: A First Time

Death: A First Time

as I roam this train platform
searching for comprehension
flirting close to its edge
death is now familiar
for I feel it
a first time rattling
bones undiscovered
trying to feel his presence

the universe is empty now

A Smile in the Darkness

You’ll find the one that loves you the most, standing next to you in your darkest hour, no matter the status of your relationship with them; love is unconditional, no matter the cost  – O3

A Smile in the Darkness

crawling up a spine
pouring out its tears
on the coldest day of the year
and I’m stuck, here
on this floor
writhing, flopping
a fish out of its element

I see you
in the doorway
where they all left
fingers outstretched
to grap mine
in the darkness
the best light
comes from a smile

I Give Up

It’s always something with women. I am, by no means sexist, support discrimination, however, I can provide an accurate and clear account of how the opposite sex treats me. I get dismissed because I’m short, disabled, black, too angry, too nice and the list goes on.
I’m tired–just tired of all the excuses I get from women, whether I love them, am in love with them or simply just like them–it’s always something.  I’m learning that women are fickle and don’t know what they want.  So tired of women telling me I am attractive, smart, funny, etc. but when it comes time to make a commitment to something as simple as setting up a meeting, there’s always an excuse and it doesn’t work out.  I’m finding that lately, even with the women I call friends in my life, it’s becoming a strain.  The emotional confusion, verbal disagreements that get escalated into more confusion beyond the point of my comprehension.  It’s tiring and stressful.

With guys it’s different.  I have met a nice amount of men and haven’t had any of the above problems, even when it comes to being intimate. Men are just non judgemental towards me and accept me for what I give and what they see.  So maybe I’m playing for the wrong team when it comes to settling down and looking for a long term relationship.

2 Days of Awesome

This weekend has been nice.  Its been a long time since I have had a great time, I forgot what it felt like to just smile. It seems like I have been stuck in this constant downward spiral and for the longest time I just felt that I couldn’t move forward.  I decided to join a writing group that went very well on Saturday and then I hung out with a good friend until the early morning.  I haven’t stayed out until 4:30 am in so long having a good time–maybe never.  Then today, a buddy drives across the city just to smile in my face and a have a few laughs.  I couldn’t have been more appreciative and maybe this is the change in the universe I have been seeking.  Here’s to having a good week and remaining positive throughout.

Thank You

In recognition of something I’ve done by accident, I acknowledge a friend. A woman actually. I have never been able to call a woman a friend without feeling sexually attracted to them. She is really in and outside of work and actually listens when I talk even when I whine or complain complain about my last relationship going down the drain. She is interested, not sure why, but I accept it anyway-open arms. I really appreciate her kindness for no reason.Thanks for just being you.