Marriage Questions

Marriage Questions

if I got down
on one knee
to confirm
the happiness you bring me
would you laugh
and think I was crazy?

what if I told you
we couldn’t live
up to my first proposal
of the past
would you still want
me to ask?

would you mind
if I couldn’t love
you pass all of my regrets
and the tears my dreams
don’t let me live down?

could you really believe
you are my everything
when another lingers
in my shadow?

could you really believe
in a broken me?

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Honest Healing

Honest Healing

love ripped apart
the core of my compassion
slipped on peels
of my own skin shedding
under the weight of my blade
pounds dropped  eyes sulken
at the sight of you breathing
healthy at the height
of my pain

I’m ashamed to call
you a first for so many
bled out causes to keep
my soul smiling
in the face of your vindication
use these tears to clean
up your betrayal
want to stain your satin sheets
with this putrid grease leaking
out of my confession

sold my broken pieces
to the devil
squandered  the proceeds
on a quick fix
to snort Coke
with the aforementioned
saving my soul
for the burn
now
I can breathe deep
and again
love in a lie

Searching Alone

Searching Alone

I used to love tug of wars
and spilled milk
cop calls and knife jabs

now I stand alone
on this corner
of miscommunication and promiscuity

lost in a thousand hands
and closed eyes searching
for a substance I can’t provide

a spirit left under the rail car
on 95th St. trying
to make it to Trinity

can a God not seen
save a soul that’s made a living
demeaning everyone in his path?

unforgiven
in mind and spirt
where it matters most

now my spirit lies dormant
perfectly placed
under a pile of has-beens

Sickening

Sickening

The
thought
of
you
brings vomit to the surface

swallowed hard
just to regurgitate
the contents of your disdain

your wayward promiscuity seeking jealousy has rendered
me a lifeless sack weighing
your promises against
my mistakes cause an angst
I swear to break

to take your fake love
to my grave
will only let you win
a war never intended
your knife through my heart
the facade now broken

State of Confusion

State of Confusion


missing the sexiness
of your breath
brushing the nape
of my neck


mixed at the bottom
of that broken glass
dripping red wine


I imagine
the hell fire I’m stuck
in every time I stare
at the barren wasteland
behind your eyes


hearing your voice
echoing the moans
of your lovers
as they push inside
you


pleasuring them
as if they’re me


true belief
isn’t coming to terms
with a past unjust
a beggar’s wish
for sustenance denied


my pride is left
to stand trial
without a judge or jury
to weigh in the facts


a hasty conviction
has me resting
in purgatory

Scornful Lover

 

Scornful Lover

drenched hands in water scalded
trying to rid 
myself of morsels you’ve
left underneath my fingernails

drowned myself in Listerine
killing you on my taste buds
unsuccessful

scrubbed skin raw
still the essence of your touch remains
pounding on the padded walls

covering the crevices
of my brain attempting
to protect me 

but memories break through
that barricade of scorn 

forcing smiles I don’t want others to see
my heart pumping joy and laughter

throughout our years
getting lost in the river of tears

draping over my insanity
comprehending the thought
of another engaging
in your sexual flesh unselfishly

when did you forget about me?

our connection buried deep
in the wastelands of someone’s junk
locked away in the trunk
is my soul rotting
at the thought
that you no longer care
what I think, how I feel

how much torture
you must be in
to forget
that this current mirage
you see isn’t real

 isn’t real