On My Own

On My Own

It’s taken years
to put down this torch filled
with fire and spite
the burns on forearms
could never lie
what this mouth
could omit

I often wonder if you’re well
or in hell
or do I care
because I still can’t forgive
my heartache has hardened
on the stone wall I threw
myself repeatedly
trying to get back
to eyes that showed the future
to hands that performed
magic without a rabbit and a hat
and spirit remaining calm
in disaster

what was a replacement
is now a momento sitting
by the trash
displaced without emotion
lacking Steel Toes to continue walking
I’ve given up on this dream

who cares if I smile
if my heart can’t feel it

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I Pack These Holes

I Pack These Holes

I pack these holes
with our memories
our girls letting
me know you’re close
to the door
pheromones fill joy
and we’re high for the night

I pack these holes
with memories
of you dancing when you think
I’m not looking
you’re gorgeous, no exceptions

I pack these holes
because without you
I’m broken
disheveled
moving in this existence
to just exist

I pack these holes
with everything you were
and everything we could have been
an essence
sweet to the taste
with a backbone
strong, never brittle

I pack these holes
with tearless dreams
where bloodshed
happened only in nightmares

I pack these holes
with a simple dream
one day I’ll hear
your voice again

(Just Honest) Three

(Just Honest) Three

On this day of thanks
I’m reminded of what’s important
and who I’m missing
chased down for 2 long years
without an “I love you” near

may be a joke I still care
but my soul needs you here
I know better now
how to calm the storm inside of me
I know better now
who’s the most important person
to me
I know better now
because I can feel

for you I say

lo siento por todo
te amo a mi sol
cada aliento que respiro
es para la memoria

my spanish is amature at best
but for you I don’t mind
being out here imperfect
being honest and true
after all, it’s the only thing
now I can give you

Happy Thanksgiving to a memory my soul will not let die!

For You

For You

I can look at your picture
not wishing to kiss lips
once made for me

I can hear your name
and not smile the same

but one thing doesn’t change

loving you virgin-like
honestly pure
and mesmerized by simple beauty

no matter the thought
running through me

one thing I can hold on to

a spirit created
in a joy felt
through every hand hold

a storybook told
perfect images drawn

the one thing I can believe in

a heart worth beating for
splashed on walls
we tried to hang our dreams on

withered in the existence
of the next soul we’ve moved on to

remembering I’ll always think of you

I Miss This Pair

I Miss This Pair

I miss this pair
opposite in their care
equal in love shared

broken at the hem
angered depression caused
the lost of what I hold most dear
never contemplated the fear
my ears could no longer hear
their purrs as I stroked gently

I miss this pair
opposite in their care
equal in their love shared

as one licked my face
good morning
paws pat face gaining
attentive smiles

the other, rest
comfortably on laps
up in arms ready
for cuddles

I miss this pair
for they showed
me a heart was always there

in darkness
when tears streamed random
I found comfort
in their presence
right there lying
next to my spirit
as though they knew
it was broken

without them I found
the formula for lonely
can’t replace
what time won’t forget

opposite in care
but always equal
in love shared