I Pack These Holes

I Pack These Holes

I pack these holes
with our memories
our girls letting
me know you’re close
to the door
pheromones fill joy
and we’re high for the night

I pack these holes
with memories
of you dancing when you think
I’m not looking
you’re gorgeous, no exceptions

I pack these holes
because without you
I’m broken
disheveled
moving in this existence
to just exist

I pack these holes
with everything you were
and everything we could have been
an essence
sweet to the taste
with a backbone
strong, never brittle

I pack these holes
with tearless dreams
where bloodshed
happened only in nightmares

I pack these holes
with a simple dream
one day I’ll hear
your voice again

A Smile in the Darkness

You’ll find the one that loves you the most, standing next to you in your darkest hour, no matter the status of your relationship with them; love is unconditional, no matter the cost  – O3

A Smile in the Darkness

crawling up a spine
pouring out its tears
on the coldest day of the year
and I’m stuck, here
on this floor
writhing, flopping
a fish out of its element

I see you
in the doorway
where they all left
fingers outstretched
to grap mine
in the darkness
the best light
comes from a smile

Addicted Comfort

Addicted Comfort

       I.

amped up on rage coarsing
through veins without concern
on this current path
fueled by negativity
outer body experiences
no control
please don’t touch me

       II.

in the absence of pain
I see you perspire
long neck
such a thing of beauty
a bottle holding my comfort elixir
something out a fairytale
I’m now a unicorn

       III.

swallowed with pleasure
my mixed bag lacks
sophisticated organization
as much as I lack feeling
once the smile subsides
I pop another
caught in the mystery
this time am I up or down 

If I Don’t Make It

If I Don’t Make It

I prepare to go under
bright lights with needles
and scaples
not feeling a pinch
as I breathe in
her sadation

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember paws
patting faces and snuggles
for comfort

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember her smile
hair blowing in the wind
the way she felt on my lips
allow our souls to dance
just as they did
when just love was enough

if I don’t make it
to those that knew me well
know that even in my darkness
my soul’s light couldn’t fall
in the shadows
even in the sadness plagued
mistakes I regret
the love I’ve lost
and what I’ve gained
my dust will settle with a smile

Reality of Love

Reality of Love

I emerge
smaller than before
choking,  gasping
for air, reaching
out for your hand
in this frost-bitten
cold so alone

I remember when I smiled
at your crazy dances
kissed your lips hungrily
with every nice gesture, gift or hug
just because
you were you and I was me

now honeymooning is a thing
of our past
tongues shoot razor blades
with uncanny accuracy
focused on the barbed wire
you wear on your soul shredding
everything I used to admire

I’m now immune laying
at feet I’m used to stepping
over me
eyes once glowing now glare
right through my good parts
and into darkness

as I search for peace within
the memory of you
never ends

My Soul Craves You

My Soul Craves You

my soul begs forgiveness
a pardon for crimes committed
and during the investigation
everything worth it
she took it

for pain ain’t subjective
when it hits close to home
recycled or borrowed
karma forces a reliving
of the experience

just when I think
I’m golden
I’m mourning
but those tears fall
in secret
because the new ones
don’t want to hear it

they have
their own tragedies
lies they tell
to  finagle happiess
the best way they can

we all do it
un-intentionally
abuse it
the love we seek
even when it’s standing
a few feet
in front of us

the root of my evil
the caring
unequal
so I’m forced
to relive this nightmare
in sequel after sequel

because without you
I’m nothing
too smart
to replace you
too afraid
to come get you

the one thing
I
know
for sure
my soul craves
you