Journal Entry #7

I’ve never known a love that I couldn’t have. How painful it is.  I’ve met a lot of fascinating people that for the most part, have filled a lot void in my life, but it is missing. As I run the gauntlet of women, my fears start emerging. My ex and I on really bad terms due to her treatment or lack thereof with family (thought I got over those racists bastards, I guess not). It has really hindered my ability to look outside of my race again for love. I don’t think I have enough me to endure that kind of negativity.  I just feel less of a person right now; so much judgment on things I can’t control.  I mean would I not be black if I could?  That’s a loaded question–and I never felt like that until Veronica’s family entered my life and what’s worse is a big part of me cares about their well being.  I definitely don’t want them to die, just understand their contribution to ruining my life.  On a side note, if I could magically lose my disability, that would be a no brainer–relieve me of these curses so I wouldn’t have to work so hard to show people who I really am.  I can be awesome and loving. All you have to do is pull my string and try me!