Selected Too Late

Selected Too Late

Funny how I remember only
the hugs when you were leaving
the smiles when we made love
and the joy we saw in each other
when it came to the babies

I miss you

not for your presence I lack
but for what our connection could bring
a friendship I couldn’t fathom
put me in its harness
as you tried to tame
a beast without a whip

although your kisses were strong
passion, your weapon
worn down like holed tennis shoes
I was succumbing to your power
only too late would I realize
you were already gone

Should Be Thankful But

I should have plenty to be thankful for this year–the reinvention of a spirit that has been broken and scarred since childhood has been very tough mentally to address but I have. So many emotions I have overcome to finally start addressing the problem (and I have few folks I can thank for that).  I guess I have always been unappreciative though; always looking for more or the next big thing, dubbing myself the ultimate opportunist.  This is just different. I feel my unhappiness in the pit of my stomach. So much so, I’m feeling sick right now. 

The holidays and everyday for that matter, should be spent with people that fill your heart the most and while I am thankful for the new additions in my life, I still cherish and love, with everything in me, the ones I can no longer touch. That, alone, brings forth a pain that I can’t escape.



I twirl your purity between
my thumb and forefinger
wishing I could wash away
regrets in Epsom salt and hot water

instead I etched 
in skin above my heart
your symbol
given to me out of innocence

remembering life’s past
through tears and smiles
holds tightly
no ill will
but the presence
of a toddler’s first Christmas

your sunshine gave me light
nourishment for my soul
to gain new life

I hold on to you
conscious or not
on this chopping block
waiting on my rock
I thought I couldn’t break