I Miss You

I Miss You

I know that you are there
but I
miss you
I know that you care
but I miss you
I know you can’t be here
so I
miss you

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I Throw Exes in Boxes

I Throw Exes in Boxes

I throw exes in boxes
seal with duct tape
place in a far corner
of a locked cellar

so they can’t hear my screams
cries that echo
in the walls shaking
the very foundation we built

I throw exes in boxes
on hands and knees barely
breathing

a mess folded
up in sheets
with all the regrets
I’m bleeding

I throw exes in boxes
sealed with duct tape
twice so their smiles
can’t escape my memory

cause without them
I’m an imperfection
dreading existing

If I Don’t Make It

If I Don’t Make It

I prepare to go under
bright lights with needles
and scaples
not feeling a pinch
as I breathe in
her sadation

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember paws
patting faces and snuggles
for comfort

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember her smile
hair blowing in the wind
the way she felt on my lips
allow our souls to dance
just as they did
when just love was enough

if I don’t make it
to those that knew me well
know that even in my darkness
my soul’s light couldn’t fall
in the shadows
even in the sadness plagued
mistakes I regret
the love I’ve lost
and what I’ve gained
my dust will settle with a smile

Mr. Dream

Mr. Dream

erase the feels of silk
long tresses
that flowed through fingertips
the anxiousness awaiting
our connection of lips
and starry-eyed visions
when we first met

hey mister mister
please don’t take
me back

to tears of every memory
good and bad
showing what I miss
out on everyday I keep
living this lie
teasing me with hallucinating
voices saying I love you
like she used to

hey mister mister
please don’t take
me back

to broken hearts, dreams,
and things I can’t fix
with plaster
building up my life again
a cracked soul
without tools to repair

hey mister mister
please don’t take
me back

to dreams
guiding me to nightmares
pretending she’s around
the next corner open arms
instead it’s an alleyway bashing
heads with a lead pipe
as I found my way
on the wrong side of her vengeance

hey mister mister
please don’t take
me back

to when the dust settled
and my life ripped in two
too stubborn to realize
her truth
only me and her
like it should’ve  been
when I was too afraid of change
too blind to see the ache
in eyes still trying 
to mimic sunrises

hey mister mister
please don’t take
me back

to being defeated
facing a reminder
I’m now only
a hollow shell

The Present of the Past

The Present of the Past

present,  no smile
past, no filler

I broke the mirror
to my rear view
so I can’t see
the smile I’m used to
feel the touch
so care free it’s in me

present,  no smile
past, no filler

so I just bleed
you out with my blade
shed you as I mourn
the loss of love
I didn’t know existed

present, no smile
past, no filler

for a heart bursting
with jelly sweets
and perfect spice
the loss of my life
I’ll mourn till I die

present,  no smile
past, no filler

distinct as a goddess
I wish I could complement
the being of you
instead I hide in your shadow
applaud from afar

even away greatness
I feel your presence

Reality of Love

Reality of Love

I emerge
smaller than before
choking,  gasping
for air, reaching
out for your hand
in this frost-bitten
cold so alone

I remember when I smiled
at your crazy dances
kissed your lips hungrily
with every nice gesture, gift or hug
just because
you were you and I was me

now honeymooning is a thing
of our past
tongues shoot razor blades
with uncanny accuracy
focused on the barbed wire
you wear on your soul shredding
everything I used to admire

I’m now immune laying
at feet I’m used to stepping
over me
eyes once glowing now glare
right through my good parts
and into darkness

as I search for peace within
the memory of you
never ends