On My Own

On My Own

It’s taken years
to put down this torch filled
with fire and spite
the burns on forearms
could never lie
what this mouth
could omit

I often wonder if you’re well
or in hell
or do I care
because I still can’t forgive
my heartache has hardened
on the stone wall I threw
myself repeatedly
trying to get back
to eyes that showed the future
to hands that performed
magic without a rabbit and a hat
and spirit remaining calm
in disaster

what was a replacement
is now a momento sitting
by the trash
displaced without emotion
lacking Steel Toes to continue walking
I’ve given up on this dream

who cares if I smile
if my heart can’t feel it



ever so sought after
you have it
screwed on with your beauty and wit
use it for evil
I get it

maybe you don’t mean it
love is its own ending, right?

every time you reach out
oh how I yearn for your voice
it turns hostile
feelings damaged beyond repair
but I thought time fixed all?

healed hearts
because I shouldn’t need you
anymore and you shouldn’t be here
but I’m glad you are

the tangle of control
do you want  me? Love me? Need me?
say it’s true
and I’m yours

maybe I’m not
I’ve learned to be mine
without you
the world has kept turning
forcing experiences
through my existence
hiding not an option
natural selection
an option for a release
I know I’ve been chosen

The Present of the Past

The Present of the Past

present,  no smile
past, no filler

I broke the mirror
to my rear view
so I can’t see
the smile I’m used to
feel the touch
so care free it’s in me

present,  no smile
past, no filler

so I just bleed
you out with my blade
shed you as I mourn
the loss of love
I didn’t know existed

present, no smile
past, no filler

for a heart bursting
with jelly sweets
and perfect spice
the loss of my life
I’ll mourn till I die

present,  no smile
past, no filler

distinct as a goddess
I wish I could complement
the being of you
instead I hide in your shadow
applaud from afar

even away greatness
I feel your presence

(Just Honest) Three

(Just Honest) Three

On this day of thanks
I’m reminded of what’s important
and who I’m missing
chased down for 2 long years
without an “I love you” near

may be a joke I still care
but my soul needs you here
I know better now
how to calm the storm inside of me
I know better now
who’s the most important person
to me
I know better now
because I can feel

for you I say

lo siento por todo
te amo a mi sol
cada aliento que respiro
es para la memoria

my spanish is amature at best
but for you I don’t mind
being out here imperfect
being honest and true
after all, it’s the only thing
now I can give you

Happy Thanksgiving to a memory my soul will not let die!