On My Own

On My Own

It’s taken years
to put down this torch filled
with fire and spite
the burns on forearms
could never lie
what this mouth
could omit

I often wonder if you’re well
or in hell
or do I care
because I still can’t forgive
my heartache has hardened
on the stone wall I threw
myself repeatedly
trying to get back
to eyes that showed the future
to hands that performed
magic without a rabbit and a hat
and spirit remaining calm
in disaster

what was a replacement
is now a momento sitting
by the trash
displaced without emotion
lacking Steel Toes to continue walking
I’ve given up on this dream

who cares if I smile
if my heart can’t feel it

Marriage Questions

Marriage Questions

if I got down
on one knee
to confirm
the happiness you bring me
would you laugh
and think I was crazy?

what if I told you
we couldn’t live
up to my first proposal
of the past
would you still want
me to ask?

would you mind
if I couldn’t love
you pass all of my regrets
and the tears my dreams
don’t let me live down?

could you really believe
you are my everything
when another lingers
in my shadow?

could you really believe
in a broken me?

Released

Released

ever so sought after
power
you have it
bottled
screwed on with your beauty and wit
use it for evil
I get it

maybe you don’t mean it
love is its own ending, right?

every time you reach out
oh how I yearn for your voice
it turns hostile
feelings damaged beyond repair
but I thought time fixed all?

healed hearts
because I shouldn’t need you
anymore and you shouldn’t be here
but I’m glad you are

the tangle of control
do you want  me? Love me? Need me?
say it’s true
and I’m yours

maybe I’m not
I’ve learned to be mine
without you
the world has kept turning
forcing experiences
through my existence
hiding not an option
natural selection
an option for a release
I know I’ve been chosen

My Soul Craves You

My Soul Craves You

my soul begs forgiveness
a pardon for crimes committed
and during the investigation
everything worth it
she took it

for pain ain’t subjective
when it hits close to home
recycled or borrowed
karma forces a reliving
of the experience

just when I think
I’m golden
I’m mourning
but those tears fall
in secret
because the new ones
don’t want to hear it

they have
their own tragedies
lies they tell
to  finagle happiess
the best way they can

we all do it
un-intentionally
abuse it
the love we seek
even when it’s standing
a few feet
in front of us

the root of my evil
the caring
unequal
so I’m forced
to relive this nightmare
in sequel after sequel

because without you
I’m nothing
too smart
to replace you
too afraid
to come get you

the one thing
I
know
for sure
my soul craves
you

Dear Departed

Dear Departed

abandoned
the four walls
you tried to make home

couldn’t walk
on the floorboards
where your teardrops roamed

couldn’t accept your smile
while my heart cried
so I’m off to seek
my own misery

dancing two-steps
’round issues I can’t grasp
with unsure fingers

while I think of you
beautiful glory
to my soul mate
I’m not worthy

the unsexy of self-pity wrapped
around the chocolates I devour
in your memory