If I Don’t Make It

If I Don’t Make It

I prepare to go under
bright lights with needles
and scaples
not feeling a pinch
as I breathe in
her sadation

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember paws
patting faces and snuggles
for comfort

if I don’t make it
allow me to remember her smile
hair blowing in the wind
the way she felt on my lips
allow our souls to dance
just as they did
when just love was enough

if I don’t make it
to those that knew me well
know that even in my darkness
my soul’s light couldn’t fall
in the shadows
even in the sadness plagued
mistakes I regret
the love I’ve lost
and what I’ve gained
my dust will settle with a smile

Demon Child

Demon Child

if I was
a religious man
I’d say I was the spawn
of Satan
a demon child placed
in dwellings to create chaos
to kill hearts
with angered kindness

if I washed
in holy water
would I screech
from the sacred burn
of the just throwing
stones to knock out
my sins

mutilated flesh picked
apart by the vultures
of the night life I partake
popping pills waiting for
the next vodka shot

as the tears fall
what goes up my nose
loosens the thoughts
I can’t shake with a dance move

then I think of her as I crash
the fruit of my loneliness
I’m ridding my sins
with a blade and  a flame
in 3 hours I’m at it again

Love Never Gone

Love Never Gone

stored in a voicemail
kept in a downloaded file
she says i love you
a final time

now I stare across a Starbucks table
more than 2 years to the day
wishing words meant more

how can I move on
with a soul held
captive and shackled
right where it belongs
inside the chamber
it was made for

cross-stitched pattern embroidering
what could have been
tossed in a bin
with old poems and mail

hell
not even failing
health can save
what should have always been

the perfect wife 
maybe in another life