The Presence of Love

The  Presence of Love

spent time playing
in your shadow
creating your safe zone
protecting investments pretending
one day you’d come back
my way
kiss this face
breathe in my changes
fall back and escape
what used to be pain

just

place hands in pockets
tengo frio
bleed out apologies
losiento
now I need affection
dame un beso

for when the sun sets
I see your eyes
when the wind blows
I feel your spirit
and I fall asleep
dreaming of your voice

no need to wipe
the dust off
your ring
cuz I never put it down

Love’s Deathbed

Love’s Deathbed

now I say I love you just to hear it said back, without meaning, to a soul that died long ago ~ O3

in the depth of despair riddled
in bones made of rage
I no longer crave
the voice that has left
me lifeless
tear ducts seared
like limbs cauterized useless

but I still ponder
what is unconditional
if it has conditions?

so I lay pretending
I’m not burdened
by the demons chiseling
away at thoughts no longer my own

my heart’s broken
by the only hands strong
enough to handle its weight
my own

Addicted Comfort

Addicted Comfort

       I.

amped up on rage coarsing
through veins without concern
on this current path
fueled by negativity
outer body experiences
no control
please don’t touch me

       II.

in the absence of pain
I see you perspire
long neck
such a thing of beauty
a bottle holding my comfort elixir
something out a fairytale
I’m now a unicorn

       III.

swallowed with pleasure
my mixed bag lacks
sophisticated organization
as much as I lack feeling
once the smile subsides
I pop another
caught in the mystery
this time am I up or down 

The Additions: Mongo and Kleo

April and May are usually bad months for me from an emotional standpoint; a lot of past issues and things I’ve lost tie into these months. With that said, I would like to discuss happiness in my life.  Those that have followed me from the start of my blogging journey, understand my love of cats.  For those of you that are new, cats are the ultimate thing.  A cat can bring a smile to my face. Now, honestly, some days I think I may have over did it with having three cats in the house, but Mongo (front, tan) and Kleo (back, grey/black) are the best things for me. Sebastian gets along with them just fine, each with their own unique personalities.  Just adding love to my growing family.  Here’s getting through the hurt of the past and trying to smile for the future. 

Searching for Missing Pieces

Searching for Missing Pieces

as we approach
the one year mark
I look to my partner
for my missing pieces
hoping she stuffed
my pride and good health
in her purse for safe keeping

stylized mistakes and heartbreak
accepting responsibility
a journey I’m just beginning
so I’m hoping she can breath easy
putting the tears in her pockets
for I know some days
I’m reckless

with a therapist quoting progress
my past negates my present
negativity infused
drooling at the site of misery
please cut me loose
unleash this rocket of insensitivity
broken with wounds swollen

but as I get better
with promises in hand
blistered and bloody
from this fight inside
I’ve learned to cry
rejuvenate through the flood
clearing the dust

on all parts that ceased
to function when I let go
of loving me
picking up my missing pieces
walking this long road
gaining confidence once again
to hold with all my might, this time

Searching Alone

Searching Alone

I used to love tug of wars
and spilled milk
cop calls and knife jabs

now I stand alone
on this corner
of miscommunication and promiscuity

lost in a thousand hands
and closed eyes searching
for a substance I can’t provide

a spirit left under the rail car
on 95th St. trying
to make it to Trinity

can a God not seen
save a soul that’s made a living
demeaning everyone in his path?

unforgiven
in mind and spirt
where it matters most

now my spirit lies dormant
perfectly placed
under a pile of has-beens